Learning to Receive

Since becoming pregnant,  I have learned a lot of things.

The most shocking is how hard it is growing a baby.  I knew what we were up against with a newborn, toddlers, kids, etc. at least on some level from spending so much time with kids.  I did not realize the toll growing another human being would take.  Even knowing my mother had morning sickness (all day sickness) every day for 9 months with all 5 of us, I had a very prideful confidence that I would be glowing all the time while pregnant.

The funniest part of that is I have not thrown up once, never had a day with constant nausea, and I don't even have to run to the bathroom to pee all the time.  I simply don't want to eat meat and I am hungry a lot.  Those two things alone make me cry while eating breakfast often because I can't handle it.  Luckily God knew that alone was pushing me too far and protected me from the awful symptoms a lot of women experience.  

These symptoms of hunger and food aversions left me unable to do everything I used to do.  There was no way I was going to be meal planning, couponing, and cooking dinner.  Most of the time I would look at Shook and start crying when he asked me what I wanted to do for dinner.  I thought doing all the things I did pre-pregnancy qualified me a "good wife".  My husband came home to a clean house and hot dinner, so I was successful.

During this process, he had to begin cleaning, grocery shopping (I would gag while walking through Kroger), and figuring out dinner plans.  I had to begin receiving his help and love even when I couldn't do much in return.

I was and still am learning that my husband's love for me is not dependent what I can do for him.  The same way God's love toward me does not change based on how well I perform.  

Right now I am in a season of learning what it looks like to receive from my husband with no expectation from him for me to do anything in return.

It is good, hard, and humbling, but I have the best husband in the world.